Where does your mind first go when someone asks, “How are you doing?”

Over the years, that answer has been season-dependent for me. 

During my teenage years? Sports. 

My college years? Purpose.

My 20s? Marriage.

My 30s? Work.

This season? It’s parenting.

I’m not suggesting I don’t still think about those other areas. But these days, no endeavor keeps me up at night more than trying to be a good dad. 

As some of you know, I have five kids ages 3-14, each of them different in their personalities, interests, and needs. And though I put a lot of thought and effort into parenting them well, I often feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. 

Can you relate? I hope so, because this newsletter is more or less just a cry for empathy. 

It’s why I resonate so deeply with these words from Wendell Berry, taken from his essay, “Family Work” (first published in The Gift of Good Land): 

Children, no matter how nurtured at home, must be risked to the world. And parenthood is not an exact science, but a vexed privilege and a blessed trial, absolutely necessary and not altogether possible.

I love this quote because it brings together the complex emotions I feel about parenting:

• The confusion – No two children are the same. 

• The risk – There are no "do-overs" or mulligans. 

• The challenge – Parenting is, in many ways, an impossible assignment. 

• The failure – I'm still waiting to meet the parent who doesn't live with at least some regret.

• And, above all else, the privilege. 

I really mean that last part. I’ve gotten to do some pretty cool things professionally over the past two decades, with some of my favorite people in the world. And I’m thankful for that. But none of it compares to the honor I feel in being a dad to Grady, Macy, Maddux, Jada, and Andrew. It’s the hardest but best leadership role I’ll ever have, and I’m guessing many of you with children would say the same. 

In closing, I’m afraid I don’t have any words of wisdom to offer. Instead, if I may, I’d like to ask for some from you:

1. What’s one thing your parent(s) did for you that you’re thankful for?

2. What’s one thing you’d do differently as a parent if you could start again? 

3. What’s the best piece of parenting advice you’ve ever received?

A thought from a fellow traveler

My last newsletter was on the importance of knowing the difference between technical and adaptive challenges when solving problems. One of the many thoughtful responses that came in was from a pastor in South Carolina, who reminded me of a question our shared mentor had once asked us: “To what degree are you (as the leader) responsible for the conditions that are causing the current problems?"

That’s an adaptive leadership question if I’ve ever heard one. And a fruitful one for anyone courageous enough to ask it. 

Carry on fellow travelers, we’ll talk soon.