As we hit the halfway mark of the summer, I hope you've been able to carve out some time for a good book or two. I just finished Simon Sinek's "The Infinite Game," and boy does it have me thinking.  

In the book, Sinek describes two types of games. 

Finite games are those where the players are known, the rules are fixed, and the endpoint is clear. When the game is over, there are clear winners and losers. Examples include chess and football. 

Infinite games are those where the players come and go, the rules are changeable, and there is no defined endpoint. The goal is not to win, but rather to improve and stay in the game. Examples include marriage, friendship, and business. 

Why has this framework been so disruptive for me? A few reasons.

First, I’m realizing my default operating system has been set to “finite game” for as long as I can remember. Just ask my parents, who took me to a child psychologist at age nine for treatment of night terrors. The cause of these terrors? Intense emotional reactions to “losses.” 

Second, I’m realizing this default setting has led me to approach many infinite games with a finite game mindset. There’s no such thing as “winning” in the most important areas of life – marriage, parenting, business, faith, etc. The goal in these areas is simply to get better every day and stay in the game. And yet, when I lay my head down at night, what’s the first question I ask myself? “Did I win or lose today?”

Third, I’m realizing that even finite games can be overlayed with an infinite game mindset. Take the 5th grade basketball team I coach. After winning most of our games all year (which felt great), we got pounded at our most recent tournament (which felt terrible). If I’m coaching with a finite game mindset, all I can tell my kids is, “Losing stinks. I hope you win next time.” But if I’m coaching with an infinite game mindset, I can see the bigger picture and help them find lessons in the losses that will help them in future games…and even life. 

Sinek isn’t suggesting there’s no place for finite games, and neither am I. Life is unavoidably filled with them. In sports, there are games you either win or you lose. In business, there are deals you either close or you don’t. And the list goes on. 

But here’s the main thing I’m learning: if I can learn to view finite games in light of the infinite game, it will help me become more gracious with myself, more cooperative with others, and more in tune with my purpose as a human being.  

Alright, it’s your turn:

1. Does your mindset naturally lean more toward the finite game or the infinite game?

2. What’s one area of your life that might benefit from more infinite game thinking?

3. If you did so, what would be the benefits? 

A word from a fellow traveler

In my previous newsletter, I discussed the benefits of being “sticky.” One thoughtful reader agreed with the basic premise, but offered a caveat I believe is worth sharing.

There are times, he pointed out, when the leaders of an organization may fail to recognize the unique value you’re bringing to the table. Or worse, they might ask you to add value in a way that violates your conscience. In such situations, the right approach is likely not to become “stickier” in their eyes, but rather to find a different situation where your particular brand of “stickiness” is valued and rewarded. 

A good word, keep them coming!

Carry on fellow travelers, we’ll talk soon.